As children, a large part of us goes to school. There, we learn to read, write, and count, and then we delve deeper. We learn about sciences or languages, sometimes civic education… but we don’t learn one important thing for our whole life, we don’t learn to listen to ourselves, we don’t learn to know ourselves.

I remember, I must have been around 5 years old, and I felt some difficulty in identifying with the world around me. I struggled to understand it. The world seemed small to me, and I didn’t really find my place in it. With time and the maturity I now have, I would say that I was not necessarily exposed to what I needed to feel stimulated.

My parents’ concerns about their children were legitimate: they wanted their children to be well-educated, good students, to equip them for life, to defend themselves in a society where they needed to fit in and carve out a place for themselves.

I grew up in a house where the television filled our evenings, but conversations were limited to practical matters of the circumstantial order. We talked about what had happened or what we were going to do. I don’t recall my parents ever sitting down with me and genuinely asking how I felt. I think it wasn’t disinterest; rather, it was ignorance, unawareness, as they themselves had never extended this kind of listening. Perhaps they, too, did not have a parent or teacher encouraging them to listen to that part of themselves. So, it’s a cycle that perpetuates until there is someone a bit more sensitive.

Let’s be clear; it’s not about condemning parents or past and present generations. For a long time, survival was the concern, and there was no room for emotions. Things are as they are, and nothing will change. But maybe we have a new world to explore now that our survival no longer depends on hunting or running.

Unfortunately, in this modern world, we’ve shifted from a survival-oriented world to a world of distractions that take us away from ourselves. We are rarely invited to look in another direction that further distances us from ourselves. We run, and we flee from ourselves. We spend our time buying things and let ourselves be carried along until the day we reconnect with ourselves.

The child I was grew up following this flow, ignoring my feelings, trying to fit into the mold of “perfect,” “perfect girl,” “perfect student,” “perfect employee.” I wanted to fulfill what the world told me I should be: that I have a good job, that I am successful, have a partner, and a family. I initially made choices that would lead me down the path to this life. And then one day, at the age of 33, that entire bubble burst. I went through emotionally complex and tough times. Pushed to my limits, I had to find a way out. Months of deconstruction to rebuild stable foundations, chosen foundations, desired foundations. And in rebuilding, I rediscovered that child who didn’t really understand her place in the world. This same child, now an adult, had more resources, her world was larger, more varied. There was more than just her family and the children from her small school. There is now a whole world and thousands of possibilities to know other stories, to learn, and to connect with other people. And I believe that partly because we connect with others, we sometimes reconnect with ourselves.

I think that between the ages of 5 and 33, I had to take a long journey to be able to find myself. Perhaps with appropriate emotional education from a young age, many of us would be better able to make decisions based on who we are because we truly know ourselves, rather than adapting to a world without deeply understanding ourselves.

Did you like this post?

Let me know!
Comment, like or subscribe!