Life is about trial and error. By trying, we learn, and by failing, we learn. In my approach to socializing with people, I have tried many things—combinations of behaviors and responses to different situations. So, there are two rules I would say I apply when it comes to establishing and maintaining relationships with people.

Rule #1: Don’t insist with people. I believe that sometimes we have a perception of the world and where we are not used to exclusion, rejection, or being on the periphery. We also learn from the external world that we have to fight for love, that we have to merit what we have. With that background, we normalize the idea of fighting, insisting, and struggling to get what we want. We tend to do this naturally in relationships. The other person may not consciously want to actively cultivate a relationship with you but still does so passively. This happens just because the other person flows and follows, not necessarily because they are genuinely interested in you or the relationship you offer. So, while we can try and give it one or two shots, I think there’s a limit when it comes to insisting.

Rule #2: Don’t focus and spend your time and energy based on how much you love people. Make your judgment based on how much the other person invests in you or, better said, in the relationship you share. We tend to construct an illusion around the person without truly “seeing” them as they are. and our feelings impel us to act or react. If we let only our appreciation lead our relationship, we focus on that specific connection, investing our attention and time in it. But that doesn’t mean the relation is meant to be. Now, if we can prevent ourselves from insisting on a relationship initially, we can observe how the person naturally behaves toward us. Consequently, we can determine if and how the other person is interested in cultivating a relationship with us. Being able to evaluate that helps distinguish whether it is worthwhile to involve yourself in that relationship and to what extent.

Those two rules I apply to myself guide me to choose where to invest my energy. It doesn’t mean the solution is to be passive and just wait for others to come to you. Finding the right balance, the balance that fits you, might help you have better relationships, surrounding yourself with people who truly resonate with you.